Carbon Offsets, buy now on eBay!

Are you a hippie looking for a way to improve your Aura? Do you have a hippie friend with a birthday coming up and no idea what to get them? Might we suggest the Carbon Offset Bio-Pack! That's right, found on Facebook's ad column, you can buy this Earth saving product on eBay for $12.99! What a deal!

So, you might be asking yourself, 'what exactly is a Carbon Offset Bio-Pack'? Well, if we dissect the description on the eBay listing:

Utilizing a unique rapid photosynthesis process discovered as a virtual miracle of science, the Carbon Offset Bio-PackTM actually converts carbon dioxide emitted by cars, factories and other big oil interests into pure, fresh oxygen WITHOUT consuming electricity and other energies that contribute to global warming.
With minor maintenance, your Carbon Offset Bio-PackTM units will actually increase production of oxygen the longer they are sustained. Can be used indoors or out. Requires a very small amount of water to continue processing.

Hmm, lets think about this...photosynthesis, converts CO2, requires water...what could it be? Seeds, it has to be seeds. 13 bucks for some tomato seeds or whatever. What I really like about this is that some capitalist is making money off the sky is falling eco-freaks. Bravo, keep up the good work.

Candidate of the Week: EATR! Darpa is leading the way in HEP technology!

A company that is working with DARPA is developing on a proof of concept robot that uses bio-mass as fuel. That is right, it eats! Now, if you have read our mission statement you know where this is going....

Before we get too deep into the potential of this machine, lets talk about what the plan is. Robot Technology Inc.'s Energetically Autonomous Tactical Robot or ( he he, wait for it) E.A.T.R. ( we are not making this up) is designed to run on anything that will burn but, especially organic material including vegetation, wood, old furniture and animals. E.A.T.R. could change the landscape of warfare as we could unleash our carnivorous bots into a theater of war to consume our enemies. Save bullets, eat people.

But weapons are not really why we are here. While cool, we are here it save the Earth by utilizing hippies. The true beauty of the E.A.T.R. is not the bot platform itself, which is really just speculation at this point but the engine. We have a real contender for our first actual Hippie Engine.

The Cyclone Engine, developed by Cyclone Power Technologies is a self contained, steam driving external combustion engine, capable of 850 ft/lbs of starting torque! Fuel is burned in a centrifugal combustion chamber that super heats water which expands to power a radial piston set-up. What is really cool is that the water is in a closed loop so there is no need to add water like ye-olde steam trains. CPT has tested many different fuels from diesel to orange peels and this thing burns anything, ANYTHING!

So what have we learned kiddies? Well, if all goes as planned, hippies really can save the world, by POWERING THE FUTURE! Or getting shoved down a E.A.T.R.'s gullet during a peace rally. Either way I think I am going to buy some tech stock.

Via: Fox News

UPDATE: So apparently RTI was not as enthusiastic about the people eating properties of the E.A.T.R. as we were. After the media blitz last week, they released a statement that says E.A.T.R is strictly vegetarian. That's right, the potential hippie engine is a hippie itself! While a setback, it isn't something that a little tinkering can't fix. Once E.A.T.R. gets a taste of hippie, I don't think tofu will cut it.

Georgia Mom trying to give young drivers a scarlet letter.

Susie Kessler wants everyone to know that her child is a bad driver. Driving in her home state of Georgia scares this moonbat shitless so she of course projected this fear on her child. To make damn sure everyone on the road knew that her son was doomed to fail, she designed a magnet that warns people of this. In her own words:

I was a nervous driver with the traffic, and I thought, how am I going to let this kid get on the highway? I've got to do something about this. … I've got to put something on the car that lets everybody know that he's just learning how to drive. So we worked on a design. I wanted to have something positive, so instead of saying "New Driver," or something that the child would be embarrassed about, we said "Newly Licensed."

What amounts to a modern scarlet letter, the 'Newly Licensed' magnet will single out young drivers and cause them to be targeted by any number of road ragers, police or just your run of the mill, middle class Micheal Jackson wanna be. Taking her claim that 15,000 people have purchased her magnets already (none of these are joke gifts I'm sure), she is trying to push a law that makes all new drivers required to bare the mark of the beast.

Susie, darling, fuck off. Making your magnets a legal requirement for all new drivers is a pretty thin way to sell a draconian product. Young drivers are already visible, they are then ones driving crappy late models with either giant Auto-zone wings or pink seat covers. If you are one of the silly parents that give your kid the keys to a new car then that is on your head but, don't worry it will be a crappy late model soon enough. I would rather let my kid get stupid tattooed on her forehead before I let her car bare a pedo-signal. If you want your kid to be safe on the road, teach them how to drive a car. It is called parenting, they have books on it.

via: Jalopnik

Hippie Engine Project: Candidate of the week - The Riney Rotary

Introducing (unless you already received this investment video)the Riney Rotary Engine, the engine for the new millenium. The good, the engine can run on anything that will burn. The bad, this design exsists only in 3-D renderings and crude bench prototypes. But hey that is what the HEP is all about, finding fresh tech to put hippies to good use. Be advised, after the 'engineer' says what the engine could do, then the 'businessman' hits the viewer up for money, at that point it is about over.

UPDATE: Our research team has discovered that there is actually someone developing a Riney Rotary.  From our evaluation, this tech might still be a ways out.  Check the video below.

Billy May tribute on Discovery, tonight at 9 pm.

Thursday, July 9th Discovery pays tribute to the one and only Billy Mays Jr.  They will be airing a special farewell episode of 'Pitchmen'.

Billy Mays is one of a long list of people that I wish I could have had the chance to meet.  Sometimes stars do burn out too soon.  Billy will be missed.

Via: Discovery.com

Al Gore: Man Bear Pig is a Nazi

So, apparently the spread of the Third Reich is akin to the threat of global warming. That is, according to Al 'I invented the interwebs' Gore. In a speech at Oxford University at the Smith School World Forum on Enterprise and the Environment in the UK, Al mentioned that, like Winston Churchill's rally for cause against the Nazi's is his call for the de-industrialization of the known world. Check it out the video of him blathering on about the liberal in charge and the fact that there is carbon in soil. No-shit Sherlock, soil is made of dead organic matter, which is carbon based. What would we ever do without him?


via: Fox News

Happy Independence Day!

Happy birthday to America!  Get your fill of beer, smokes and explosions while you can.  And if you were lucky enough to get tickets, the crown of the Statue Of Liberty will be open for the first time in 8 years.  Don't get too drunk before you go up, it takes 354 steps to get there.

Introducing the 2010 Government Motors Obamobile!

We at Government Motors know how concerned you are with the very REAL threat of Global Warming so we proudly introduce the 2010 GM Obama.

It's Features include:

-Able to run solely on hot air and broken promises.

-Its three wheels speed through sharp left turns.

-Comes complete with teleprompters programmed to help occupants smooth-talk their way out any violations.

-Comes with free standardized health care in case of any crash.


It’s change you can believe in!

Sarah to Alaska: You are on your own bitches!

At the end of this month, the coldest state in the nation will no longer have the coolest gov'ner.  Sarah "the pitbull" Palin is stepping down from her post as governor of Alaska.  It seems she believes that being a part of the establishment is hindering her larger goals as a leader.  If that means a possible bid for the big seat in 2012 remains to be seen but, right now she is going in a different direction.  We will be keeping an eye on her either way. You betcha'.

Everyone say hi Shaweet 84!

The Hippie Engine Project is proud to introduce our newest contributor, Shaweet 84.  Sorry about the profile pic, it is the most recent we could find of our new man.  Shaweet is a hard working health care professional with some hard hitting and to the point observations on todays America.  Expect some bitting commentary from this wannabe pirate. 

Your New Bible.

As a new contributor to this blog, I feel it is my duty as an American patriot to introduce you to perhaps what will go down as one of the finest pieces of literature to ever rock your face. This book can invoke 2 different reactions, depending on the reader. The first reaction will be to pump your fist in the air, and agree on almost every single character written. The second is to cry, and live in denial of being on the wrong side of the issues tackled throughout this amazing journey. A few highlights- taken from Theodocious Atrocious' website (I didn't necessarily ask permission, but Uncle Ted's an understanding guy):

In Ted, White, and Blue you'll discover:

• Why war is the answer to so many of our current problems
• Why if Ted were a Mexican, he'd start a revolution (and how, since he’s not, we can control our own borders)
• How to put Uncle Sam on a diet (a waste-watchers program for government)
• The Ted Plan for energy independence by 2018 & how to keep America rockin’ into the future
• How to change the world for the better through the power of God, guns, and rock ‘n’ roll

An awesome read, from an awesome man, dedicated to preserve this awesome country.
Rock on.